Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End

RATING: C+

Well, up to this point in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise we'd had it pretty good. We'd gotten a classic first movie. We'd gotten a good sequel that was very entertaining and upped the stakes considerably. And with Dead Man's Chest and At World's End being back-to-back sequels, At World's End would surely do the series and mythology justice and give us a good ending, right? Right? 

Early on, this movie centers around our main characters going to bring back Jack Sparrow from Davy Jones' Locker. Yes, that's a place that can be physically reached by choice; don't bother asking how. Although Dead Man's Chest suggested the characters were bringing Jack back mostly for the sake of doing it, it turns out there's actually an important reason why the world needs him back: he's one of the nine pirate lords of the pirate Brethren Court. And this entire Brethren Court has to united to go up against the forces of Davy Jones and the Flying Dutchman... and Lord Cutler Beckett and his armada, who's put his land under martial law as part of a campaign to exterminate piracy forever. 

There's even more to this plot, but either it's not worth mentioning here or there'd be some big spoilers if I did. Bottom line? This is an unbelievably convoluted third flick. There are so many plots and subplots going on, that you have to be paying close attention to keep track of them all. And even then, it's difficult to keep up with certain characters' motivations, some of which make little sense at times. This is especially a shock considering the first two movies were relatively simple plot-wise.

Oh yeah, and this 168-minute movie is very slow-paced. The first two movies were also pretty fast-paced, but this one much less so. Probably because there are much less action sequences in here. There's the Singapore squabble at the beginning, a couple of brief action-y moments, and the climactic battle. That's it. Seriously. Normally this might not bother me as much, but again, this film is such a shift in pacing from its previous installments it's an extreme letdown. Especially when we're getting stuck during that long runtime with stuff like the ridiculous Brethren Court subplot--which probably could've been removed and only one major thing would have to be changed--or a near-ten minute scene of Jack Sparrow in the Locker hallucinating that I guess is supposed to be funny but is just dumb. 

What they do end up doing with the more important plot points is also problematic at times. Remember the Kraken? One of the best things about the last movie? Yeah, its only appearance is its corpse after getting killed offscreen. And Davy Jones? The literal devil of the seas? Well, due to his disembodied heart being in the hands of Cutler Beckett, he's mostly reduced to a "mongrel pup." (Jones: "I cannot be summoned like some mongrel pup!" Beckett: "Apparently you can.") And although I guess that was ultimately to be expected after seeing the heart end up in Beckett's hands at the end of the last movie, it's still kind of a letdown to see him at basically the complete behest of a mere mortal. He doesn't really truly regain himself much until the end. 

What could've helped this movie is cutting down on all the subplots. The only thing you really need is the continued struggle against Davy Jones and Cutler Beckett, and whatever all that entails. More mythology regarding Jones is revealed, which is certainly important. But beyond that, there's not much more that you need. There's certainly not much use for all of the subplots and the mind-numbing number of double-crosses. Maybe leave a couple in, but... seriously, this movie is just way too bloated. 

And then there's the ending. Which I can't describe very well without spoilers, but it tries its hardest to murder the franchise. It's not just the usual "tragic hero death" that we get every now and then. What happens ultimately is straight up *cruel,* and makes you wonder just what in the world the director and writers were thinking. 

Now, I've been ranting long enough about everything I dislike about this movie. Obviously, there is some good in it. The climactic battle itself (*before* the cruel ending mentioned earlier) is incredible. The humor is upped a little bit again after being slightly more absent in the previous movie; some of the efforts are misguided, but there's still some hilarious moments. The acting is still great, and Geoffrey Rush's return as Barbossa is welcome. Chow Yun-fat is a nice newcomer as well. And there's very impressive cinematography, particularly on the journey to the Locker. And Hans Zimmer's soundtrack--as in previous installments--is nearly flawless.

It's not like this film is unwatchable or anything. It is watchable, but it is also much more tedious to sit through. The film has one fairly conflicted at times; at one moment they might be going "So awesome/funny!" and the next they might be snoring. I probably still could've excused some of the film's other missteps if they hadn't created such a bad ending.

At World's End is technically not one of the worst threequels of all time. But it does have one of the worst endings I've ever seen for such a movie, and it is also one of the bigger letdowns considering how well they'd done the last two go-rounds. Could it have been worse? Actually, yes. And while some may be less bothered by the ending than others and may actually feel sightly more fulfilled than others by the time the credits rolled, the feeling will probably be the same for most regardless: out of the first three movies, this one's the worst by a long shot. 

Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest

RATING: A-

Perhaps the greatest risk the first Pirates of the Caribbean film took was adding the subtitle "The Curse of the Black Pearl" onto the film title. Generally, that's begging for trouble. It's as if you've set your heart on making a film series, but if that first film flops, you might look pretty stupid for adding that subtitle. 

Fortunately, The Curse of the Black Pearl was a massive success and universally loved. Gore Verbenski and company got to make their sequel(s). After making an almost flawless first film with a perfect blend of action and comedy with a still-strong plot, where do you go from there? Why, you bring in the devil of the seas, of course. "Davy Jones' locker" is a long-used term referring to being sunk to the bottoms of the depths, hinting at such a supernatural being waiting for you down there. Or something. 

Dead Man's Chest centers around Jack Sparrow owing a debt of long servitude aboard Davy Jones's ship, the Flying Dutchman--which we later find out is basically being as good as dead--and so he's not having that. He races to find the actual disembodied heart of Davy Jones (it's not nearly as stupid as it sounds) and use it against the sea devil to avoid being enslaved. Will and Elizabeth end up along for the ride as well, but for different reasons and different purposes--trying to recover their freedom from Lord Cutler Beckett, a separate villain with his own motivations (which I won't reveal in this particular review). 

In an interesting move, the comedy is taken down a slight notch in this film (there's still some though, don't worry) and the action is taken up a bit. This time around, we get action scenes involving the Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones--and to be highlighted the most, the ones including Jones's pet sea monster... the Kraken. The attacks and battles involving the Kraken are absolutely incredible to watch, in part because nothing else like them had ever been done before (or since). Sure, there have been sea battles in film involving real animals like whales or sharks or even normal squids, but nothing like this. 

Davy Jones himself is a fearsome antagonist; due in part to the utterly incredible CGI that portrays him (and the brilliant acting of Bill Nighy behind the CGI) and his squid-tentacles-covered-face. As good as Barbossa was in the first movie, Jones is an excellent move for the next movie's antagonist, as he and his Kraken up the stakes considerably. The various other minions--which, like Jones are weird amalgamations of various aquatic creatures also have some impressive CGI on them and there's actually some creative work there (there's one guy who actually somehow has the head of a hammerhead shark). 

Despite mixed reception, I fail to see a whole lot wrong with this film. Sure, it's not as good as the first at the end of the day, but it's very exciting to watch as well. Beyond the action scenes mentioned earlier, there's also a cool swordfight between multiple characters which somehow ends up including fighting on top of a well wheel. And there's also a bar fight. Yeah, this film includes a lot. Some complain of the ending--and one character's choices in said ending--but I think it works. Plus, you need a cliffhanger ending somehow since you're doing back-to-back sequels, right? 

If there's one big issue with this film, it's the sequence relatively early on in the film on the cannibal island. This part of the film does not match the tone of the rest of the film at all, especially considering that at times it almost goes to Looney Tunes-esque zaniness, whereas the rest of the film takes a lot darker approach. It feels like the whole thing was just tacked on to make the film longer. 

Aside from that and a couple of other isolated minor issues, Dead Man's Chest is a strong sequel that expands well on the mythology of its universe, offers some great new antagonists and much higher stakes and just is quite entertaining for most of its 150 minutes. While it may not be quite as fulfilling as the first one, it's still a good example of a sequel done right. 

Too bad it goes downhill from here. 

Pirates of the Caribbean

RATING: A+

It's difficult to not look upon at least this first installment as a classic now, but it's easy to forget that when it first came out, the fact that it was successful--that it was actually that good--was a shock to everyone. Movies about pirates weren't really a thing at that point. Not to mention a bit of troubled production and nervousness over whether it'd work or not. But boy, did it ever work. 

Despite rolling at 143 minutes, not a minute of it feels slow, and the plot isn't convoluted at all--in fact, it's actually fairly simple. Cursed undead pirates are trying to break their curse. Lone pirate wants control of their ship--the ship that he was once captain of. Young blacksmith makes uneasy alliance with said pirate when the undead pirates capture his longtime crush. That's the gist of it. It's not completely simpleton--there are some twists and turns--but they don't use hardly any subplots at all. 

This movie shows us that pirate movies can indeed be awesome; but it helps that so much else about it works so well. This movie would not have been what it is if not for Johnny Depp's performance in the role of his life as "Captain" Jack Sparrow, which almost alone lifts the movie (especially considering that so much of Depp's acting was improvised). But there's some great acting to be found elsewhere as well; Geoffrey Rush manages to find a perfect balance of being over-the-top without just being stupid as the main antagonist Barbossa, and our non-pirate leads Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley are pretty great as well in their roles, even if they are kind of overshadowed by both Depp and Rush. Kevin McNally, Jack Davenport and Zoe Saldana (yes, she's actually in this) are good in supporting roles as well. 

Yes, the action sequences are great. The swordplay is fantastic, and the set pieces are strong as well. Some scenes are better than others, such as the initial duel between Will and Jack, in which the music actually is almost perfectly synced with the clashing swords or the "underwater march" near the end (credit must be given to the CGI on the undead pirate army). 

But besides the acting, what also truly carries this movie is the rapid-fire humor, thanks to a wonderful script with constant hilarious dialogue that is perfectly delivered by the actors. In this sense it's not just an exciting action movie, but it's also a bit of a comedy, sure to keep many in stitches. 

While there is debate over to whether the franchise was really ever good again in its sequels, it's difficult to deny that this first installment is fun and entertaining. That could be taken further, and said that it's one of the best popcorn action blockbuster films of all time. You certainly won't find as many criticisms of it as other films of its caliber. 

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

RATING: A-

Why did most people (myself included) love the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie? Because it was something totally different for the Marvel Cinematic Universe and rather out there at times, while still containing the necessary elements to make a good and enjoyable movie: a good enough plot, surprisingly strong characters (with an even better cast) and often-hilarious dialogue. The old-timey soundtrack loaded with hits from the 70's helped for many as well. 

And thus, with the same director and little else changing the next time around, hopefully you were expecting more of the same because that's what you get for the most part. 

This installment, which starts out immediately with another action sequence loaded with humor and more 70's music, also starts out with a surprisingly thin premise in which this genetically engineered race called the Sovereign suddenly devotes literally all of their resources to destroying the Guardians... simply because Rocket stole a few batteries. It's quite fortunate that the Sovereign and their story line don't end up actually being the main one, because this movie would probably have been a little more underwhelming if it was. 

The real story here is when Peter Quill/Star-Lord's real father suddenly shows up out of nowhere--named Ego. Comic book fans *might* recognize that name, considering that despite having a human projection of himself that just so happens to be Kurt Russell... he's actually a planet. Yes, really. (It works a lot better than it sounds.) And also if you have read the comics (add maybe a vague spoiler alert here), you might be able to guess fairly easily what happens from there. Heck, I haven't read the comics and yet I saw the big twist concerning Ego coming a mile away.

That's probably this film's biggest issue, really, is its predictability. Depending on how informed you were, you probably guessed how this film was going to go before you even stepped in the theater. Fortunately, the film makes up for that aplenty. Beyond that, there's a bit of overdone CGI and coloring (particularly of Ego's planet) that can be annoying at times. And "Baby Groot" feels oddly a little sidelined at times (though I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised by that, seeing as a tiny Groot can't do quite as much as a big one).

But as previously said, it makes up for it with its characters, wit, and its action sequences--many of which are actually set to the various 70's hits, often to awesome effect. Among the cast members, it feels like Dave Bautista (Drax) and Bradley Cooper (Rocket) really embraced their roles even more, to great effect. Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Karen Gillan and Michael Rooker all do well again too. Kurt Russell is also a great addition to the cast.

(Another spoiler alert of sorts here, though no names are named; skip to the next paragraph if you want to avoid it anyway.) One criticism of recent Marvel films (particularly of Civil War) is the lack of stakes due to no characters ever dying. This film actually changes that, killing off a character in its final act; which in a sense was a breath of fresh air because it makes one feel like there actually *are* stakes to this whole thing, this whole cinematic universe Marvel has done. Perhaps they just haven't chosen to utilize said story tactic much yet.

In the end, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 isn't quite as good as its predecessor, in part because it isn't quite as fresh (yeah, I know that's been said a lot, but how else can one put it?). But even much of the same formula we've seen already still works, and what new stuff they actually do add to the mix works for the most part. Vol. 2 may not be regarded among the top tier of Marvel movies the way the first one is, but it won't be near the bottom either. It is still a fun sequel and anyone who loved Vol. 1 shouldn't hesitate to see it.

Furious 7

RATING: C-

After finally making the franchise actually "good" with the fifth movie, the Fast and Furious franchise had held onto that streak with its next movie... by the very skin of its teeth. The unfortunate thing is, they seem to keep wanting to outdo themselves in ridiculousness. Which, by the end of the sixth one, had me worried about what was next. And yes... somehow, Furious 7 manages to be even more stupid and ridiculous than the last one, at a higher rate. The difference? There's not enough good stuff to balance it fully out. 

This seventh film concerns what happens when Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham)--the brother of Owen Shaw, the last movie's villain--comes looking for revenge against Dom Toretto and his team for crippling his brother. That actually sounds like a pretty awesome premise--Vin Diesel, The Rock and company versus Jason Statham--but oddly enough, it gets put aside way too much for another subplot involving this surveillance hacking program that this mercenary named Jakande (Djimon Hounsou) wants, and can supposedly help the team get Deckard... which feels a little pointless at times, particularly when Deckard literally follows the team everywhere they go, even when it makes no sense whatsoever. Even that subplot getting unexpectedly thrown in wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't so many other nonsensical things in the story that I can't mention due to spoilers. 

So yes, the story department takes a hit in Furious 7, after at least sort of trying the last few movies. Of course, part of the pull of the Fast & Furious franchise is all the ridiculous stunts--some of which work better than others. The car skydiving sequence and the chase that follows is awesome. The "car flying one from skyscraper to another" thing is unrealistic... but still kind of cool. 

But then you have the climactic act, in which there are so many utterly insane instances of defying death that it would be take me forever to list them all... but I'll stick with this one, which is arguably the most egregious in the entire series, in which a character drives a car at full speed off a ramp of debris in a parking garage (near the top of said garage, mind you), scrapes an enemy helicopter with said car, and then of course falls all the way down to what should be a fiery demise... and the character somehow lives. 

And as if stuff like *that* wasn't enough, let's address James Wan, who took over at director for Justin Lin for this film. He should probably stick to horror movies. His directorial style is much more irritating, with lots of weird camera movements. And somehow, the script is a lot weaker than in the last two movies, despite no change in writer. And let's not forget how Dwayne Johnson, one of the best things about this franchise, is sidelined for almost the entire thing due to injuries (in real life, it was scheduling conflicts). 

With all of these negatives about the film, one probably had to be worried about how they'd handle the death of Paul Walker; yet they manage to come up with a surprisingly well-done and emotional farewell for him. It's only even more powerful when you think about the fact that Dom's final lines to Brian aren't Dom speaking to Brian; they're Vin Diesel speaking to Paul Walker (the two were actually like brothers in real life). With that in mind, that makes it much more meaningful, regardless of your opinion on Paul Walker and his acting. 

Beyond that nice moment, the few positives include the car skydiving sequence mentioned earlier, The Rock vs. Jason Statham, and the overall chemistry between the various actors (even if the script is weaker this time around). It is still a fairly exciting movie overall, even if there are some things that just make you scratch your head. You won't be bored, regardless. 

Unfortunately, despite a few good things, Furious 7 still represents the franchise going back to being not so good. The last two movies were entertaining, and this one still kind of is to a degree, but it's also much harder to swallow. If they only intend to make it crazier from here, that might be a problem. But even then I might be able to put up with a lot if the story were just more comprehensible and not filled with contradictions and holes. Unfortunately, the days of the Fast and Furious franchise being "good" may have been short-lived. 

Fast & Furious 6

RATING: C+

The Fast and the Furious series had finally sort of hit its stride with its fifth installment, thanks in part to the addition of The Rock as well as the addition of more humor and basically ditching the whole "street-racing" theme. So now we're at Part 6, and if the last movie was a heist-themed one with fast cars included, this is just straight up action/adventure... with fast cars still included. 

After the events of Fast Five, the protagonists have finally settled down and avoided their lives of crime. But this movie exists, so of course they're going to get dragged into something. In this case, it's actually a good cause: Hobbs shows up and wants Dominic Toretto and his crew to help him catch an international criminal named Owen Shaw. Of course these guys who are retired from all the action wouldn't bother, right? Unless, of course, Hobbs shows them a picture of Letty working with Shaw. Supposedly *dead* Letty. And thus another crazy adventure begins involving lots of insane stunts. 

This movie is quite conflicting, actually. On one hand, it's even more fast-paced than its predecessor, and has some pretty exciting action sequences (an early car chase and the tank scene come to mind, despite the latter's ridiculous end). There is *lots* of hand-to-hand combat in this movie, and it's all genuinely great. There isn't quite as much humor in this one, but there's still some (a scene where The Rock gets info out of an official by literally crushing his hand during a handshake comes to mind). The production quality has gotten much better, with some great set pieces and brilliant cinematography. Also, kudos to the stunt work in this film should be given. And the acting's fairly good most of the way also. In addition to the actors seen in previous films, Luke Evans is surprisingly decent as Owen Shaw. 

But for all of that good stuff, there's also a lot of pretty stupid stuff. Let's start with how Letty's even alive. Without giving too much anyway, they literally alter her original death scene from the fourth movie in order for her to live in one of the most infuriating "character-thought-dead-actually-survived" scenes I've ever seen. And of course Letty eventually rejoins the team (so that's not really a spoiler)... but she does it way too easily. And falls in love with Dom again even more all too easily. There's also some other things elsewhere in the movie that make very little sense story-wise. This movie just so happens to contain the stupidest "this character was evil all along" reveal I've ever seen. It makes zero sense due to the fact this character and another fight at one point like they're trying to kill each other... when apparently they were on the same side all along? I'm convinced it was a decision made late in production or something. 

Aside from the story elements that make little sense, of course there's plenty of action moments that make no sense either. It seems that they try to outdo their own ridiculousness each film now, and while I'm not certain that anything here actually tops the ridiculous finale of Fast Five, this one does include a scene where a falling Mustang somehow causes a tank to flip, and a scene with a runaway that has to span at least 10 miles without one single turn... so this film comes close at times, is what I'm saying. 

In some ways, this installment is actually more thrilling than its predecessor. But it's also a lot more infuriating at times. For a movie that often clearly wants you take it seriously, it also tells you "screw you" quite a bit. It's an enjoyable film that many people will probably come away mostly enjoying due to its constant thrills. More serious watchers, however, may find themselves more conflicted. It's a movie I actually wish I could recommend a bit more, and yet I'm already probably giving it a bit more credit than it deserves. 

Fast Five

RATING: B-

So, this movie should totally have been the last gasp for a franchise that, up to this particular point, had never even gotten off the ground enough to die in the first place, right? Because the first four movies weren't good at all. And considering that that they were bringing back the same director that had given us the last two installments, this one shouldn't have been any different, right? Right? Yeah. About that... 

This fifth installment picks up literally right from where the last one left off, with Dominic Toretto being transported in a prison bus, and Brian, Mia and a couple others coming to save him. They do that... then they go hiding in Rio. After an auto theft incident (on a train!) gone wrong, their names shoot up on the Wanted list--enough to the point that DSS agent The Rock (aka Dwayne Johnson, aka Luke Hobbs in this movie) comes to Rio just to bring them in. Wanting to disappear permanently, Dom and crew do one last job: stealing all the money from a corrupt businessman who is at least partially responsible for them being extra wanted in the first place. 

Yup, this fifth movie in the franchise decides to shift gears... from racing to a heist film. Which is certainly a welcome change. In doing so, they bring in several characters from previous movies: Han from Tokyo Drift, Gisele from the fourth movie, Vince from the first movie (yes, seriously) and Roman and Tej from 2 Fast 2 Furious (which I didn't even watch, so this was my first introduction to them). Oh yeah, and these two guys Leo and Santos from the last movie that just kinda hang around and do random stuff are there too. 

This movie is an improvement over its predecessors in many ways, but realistic physics and stunts are not one of them (if anything, they're taken up a notch). In the very beginning, one car is able to somehow flip over the prison bus Dom is on (and all the prisoners live, even after the bus flips about ten times). Almost everything else is at least sort of tolerable... until we get to the climactic action sequence, which oddly ditches the heist theme for a drunken video game action sequence in which after all their planning they literally just drive through the wall of the place they're breaking into, tie a giant several-ton safe with money in it to two cars using tow cables, and then drag it all the way through Rio while utterly destroying all the cops in the process (they're basically all corrupt, so don't worry about it too much) and not having the cables snap or just get flipped over by the sheer weight of the safe they're attempting to drag. It's kind of fun... but it's also really stupid. 

But the film is a vast improvement over all the others in most of the other facets. Save for one very brief drag race, the street racing theme is dropped completely; which is honestly a bit of a welcome change. The "planning the heist" stuff is actually fairly cool. And there's actually quite a bit of levity and humor--something that was missing from previous installments. The actors all seem to have great chemistry with one another--particularly Tyrese Gibson and Ludacris (who provide most of the humor), the latter of whom is better than you'd expect. Dwayne Johnson is a super-welcome addition too, arguably now being the best actor in this entire series. In this movie, he's often spitting out ridiculous hammy lines you can't help but chuckle at. And few can pretend they weren't excited to see Vin Diesel and The Rock fight each other. 

What ultimately makes this installment so much more bearable? It's genuinely *fun.* Yes, it's a little ridiculous, over-the-top and even a little stupid at times, but it's still quite fun. And that's really what the other movies were truly missing. The first was sort of fun in a throwback-to-the-90's way, but the others weren't that at all. The fourth was at least interesting, so it was watchable, but there was very little levity in it. 

At this point, the franchise starts going the route of just being fun ridiculous movies that aren't meant to be taken too seriously. I am ultimately mostly fine with that. It probably means the films won't ever get ratings higher than this one did, but come on, who could ever really expect a franchise like this to have actual classics? For what it is--a fun popcorn action movie--it really works. It's a formula that really shouldn't have worked, but it somehow did.