Star Wars: Solo

RATING: C

Have you ever been interested in the story of how Han Solo became Han Solo? Or just how he made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs? Or just how he got the Millennium Falcon from Lando? Or how he met Chewbacca? No? You're not interested in any of those things? Well, too bad. Because Disney decided to make it happen anyway. In part of their quest for more cash, they have given us the latest "Anthology" Star Wars spin-off movie. Rogue One's existence is at least somewhat excusable, but this latest prequel venture is just pointless. 

The movie is indeed about Han Solo's younger life; basically him trying to get out of the servitude of everyone and everything. Born as an orphan made to steal, and then enlisting in the Imperial Academy at one point... he doesn't really care for any of that. He just wants to be a pilot and to have the universe essentially to himself. Well, him and his apparent longtime friend and now lover Qi'ra. As part of a means to all of these ends, he gets caught up with a group of criminals looking to get their own way to freedom. However, as he gets further into their life, he kind of ends up finding there's not much going back. Or something. 

This is a movie that's kind of difficult to get excited about. For one thing, it really has no reason to exist. No one but the most hardcore of all Star Wars fans would be interested in this. But the biggest problem is the fact that doing a "young Han Solo" movie means that someone besides Harrison Ford has to play the role. And that is just unacceptable. Alden Ehrenreich is okay, I suppose. But he's kind of in over his head here. There is only one Han Solo, and that is Harrison Ford. 

Another big problem is the lengths they go to in order to explain the Kessel Run. They try way too hard to explain one line from the original Star Wars: "[The Millennium Falcon] is the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs." Obviously, there's a problem here since a parsec is in regards to distance, not time. But I really don't think any of us honestly cared that much. I certainly didn't have a burning need to know what exactly the Kessel Run *was.* And while they (maybe?) address the whole "parsec" issue, it honestly doesn't help. And while this isn't the overall point of the movie, it still takes up a massive section of it. And it feels like a waste of time. Oh and by the way, Han Solo's version of the "Kessel Run" is totally impossible too--because it involves driving through a large space maelstrom with tons of large debris and basically no visibility. At least when Solo drove through an asteroid field he could actually properly *see* the asteroids he was trying to avoid. 

And now that we've gotten through that... now I already feel like there's not a lot left to talk about. The movie's highlight scene and set piece is easily the sci-fi monorail train heist scene, which they make fit quite well into the SW universe and is actually quite exciting. But aside from a shocking cameo from an unexpected character near the very end, there's very little else about this film that actually sticks out in the brain. Nothing certainly sticks out as well as Darth Vader's hallway scene in Rogue One, which arguably alone was worth the price of admission there. 

There is some good acting to be had. Woody Harrelson plays a sort of mentor to Han, and he's quite good. Donald Glover also fares much better as a young Lando than Ehrenreich as a young Han. Paul Bettany also delivers an enjoyable performance as a crime lord. Emilia Clarke is fine too, but her character (Qi'ra) gets so confusing at times--particularly at the end--that it still feels like she stands out less compared to any of the three previously mentioned actors. Elsewhere in the movie, there is some decent levity here and there. There's still some good banter between Han and Chewie. 

All in all, Solo really isn't so much a bad movie as it is totally pointless. It's a movie with no real reason to exist other than making money (and even that didn't work). There's enough entertainment that you won't necessarily regret watching it, but you probably won't remember it that well later. As previously stated, it's just not that memorable. If this film accomplishes nothing else, at least Disney is now apparently going to pull back on the "Anthology" films a bit--which is probably the best thing that could've happened. I just do not hardly care about this Star Wars spin-off nonsense. I just want the main episodic movies. So if the failure of this movie means less or even no more of these spin-offs, then that's a good thing. Is this the worst Star Wars movie ever? Hard to say. But it's definitely the most pointless one ever.